Now I get it...

I know most people check this post to see how Mady is doing and to see pictures. That will not be the case today. Tonight I am going to stray from my usual pictures and fun events and talk about the past and parenting.

Let me start by saying that I just can't get enough of my little girl. I know its so cliche to say this but I never knew you could love something so much and I now realize how much my parents really loved me. I sit here and think about the past 30 years and the things I did, the words I said, and the lies I told to my parents. I wouldn't say I was a bad kid...but I wasn't the best all the time either. I feel so guilty now because I know there were times I wanted nothing to do with my parents. I can't believe how selfish, immature, and crazy I was. All they wanted was for me to work hard, be strong, and be happy. All I wanted was to get out of town as soon as I turned 18 and try a new adventure. I used to get so mad at Vida Kay when she would wait up half the night for me to get home from a trip to Frida's (that's in Reynosa) or on a date, or out with my friends. Now I understand why she did what she did.

I never understood why my parents did things and said things that just drove Velvet and I crazy. Now I get it. Now i get why the pushed me to be the best, to study hard, and to be a good person. I realize Mady is only 3 months old but I already find myself dreaming about her upcoming milestones and what all I can do to help her succeed. Its so silly I know but I can't help it. I just love her soo much and don't want to spend a second without her! I want her to experience everything and to be a good person. I know she will be the best person she can be.

I know you are gone mom and dad but I want you to know that who I am today is because of you both.

Dad, you pushed me to be the best that I can be and your words of encouragement will stay with me forever. Embedded in my mind is the memory of you standing at the 100 yard mark as I came around the curve and shouting out my split time and then somehow as I finsihed the race, you were right there waiting for me. How you did that I will never know but I will never forget it.

Mom, we went through so much together. In the end, when daddy was gone and the dust settled, all we had was each other to get us through those sad lonely nights. You stayed so strong for me and tried to give me as normal a life as possible. I know it was hard but I told myself that once I found a person to love as much as you loved daddy, that I would never take him for granted. You were a great mom and wife and I admire what you and daddy had and hope that my marriage will be as strong and unique as you and dad's was. Thanks for all the support and encouragement and for never giving up on me.

Parenting is hard. I get that now and will never take for granted again all the blessings I have and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Until next time...